Rethinking Protest: Building the Bridge through Common Ground

In my previous blog, "Rethinking Protest: 5 Levels of Limitation to Influencing Sustainable Change," we established that regardless of how one feels about the change that protests are calling for, we can all agree that all sides have issues that they would like to educate others about and to build on that awareness to create sustainable change. We also discussed how not establishing common ground, or placing all of the responsibility on other individuals/groups and refusing to place any responsibility on oneself, can limit and even take away from the sustainability of the intended change. For my fellow Christians out there, the Bible verse that I want to use to guide this blog is Matthew 7:3-5, talking about "removing the plank from your own eye and removing the speck from your brother’s eye." For my fellow humans, who do not use the Bible as a compass for your lives and your worldviews, may I offer a couple of popular phrases, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink," and "they do not care about how much you know, unless they first know how much you care." What all of these words mean to me is that each of us has our own experiences that shape our perspectives, and our own worldviews. None of use can even come close to knowing the 100% truth in our human understanding. So, when we go through life with this "my way or the highway" attitude, and limit our exposure to perspectives and worldviews that differ from our own, we limit our ability to effectively communicate to others. Moreover, if we do not equip ourselves with understanding of the perspectives of those we are trying to reach, we can only create a one way channel of communication that only tells others how we feel, and cuts off the ability for that communication channel to work both ways, with your message being received and responded to. If we cannot take the next step for another person, towards a change we desire, then we must focus on what we can control. In other words, "we must be the change we want to see." So how can we BE the change? Take a Self Inventory - this involves taking time to reflect on what matters most to you. What do you believe in and what do you not believe in? Why do you believe what you believe, and why do you not believe what you do not believe. Challenge Yourself - Think about the barriers to what you believe in. Think about certain problems that can arise out of what you believe in. Think about alternatives to what you believe in. Think about potential positives of things you don't believe in or things your support. Expose Yourself to a Reliable, Diverse Set of Resources - Expand on the self exploration taking place in the previous two steps by looking to trusted community leaders around the word, who seem to have been influenced by a diverse set of perspectives, Make sure some of these hold similar beliefs to you and some of these hold opposing/alternative beliefs. Some of these leaders may be pastors/faith leaders, fellow community volunteers, researchers/lecturers, etc. It is helpful to watch debates on topics that interest you, and to watch congressional hearings where various perspectives are presented. Making sure some of these resources come from different countries and cultures in general is crucial. Get Involved in the Community - I have learned in the last year or two that making impactful change is much easier when you start getting involved at the local level, attending and speaking at city council meetings. Volunteer in places like homeless shelters, where you are likely to hear stories from a variety of perspectives. Technology allows us to connect with people all over the world. Let's take advantage of it! Engage with online communities around the world. When engaging in the community, it is important to remember that active listening is key. This means we must be quick to listen and slow to speak; and when we are speaking, we are asking open-ended questions, seeking more information and understanding of those we are corresponding with. As we engage with others, and learn from them, we can allow them to see what we have to offer and that we are worthy. This opens the door to these people interacting with others who are like us, eventually forming a more positive perception of us, and becoming more open to the change that we are calling for. Understand Each Person Wants to be Heard - Just because you believe something to be untrue or "crazy," does not mean that particular something is not true to someone else. No matter how wrong or unmerited something may sound, it is real to that particular person. Consequently, it is key that we meet that person in that place. This does not mean we have to participate or to accept what that person is saying is true, it simply means that we must seek understanding. We must ask that person to expand on why they are saying what they are saying, and try to meet them somewhere where you can identify a mutual "felt need." When you get another person who you disagree with to expand and use more words in support of what they are saying, then it is usually to find some kind of place that you agree on. Find Common Ground - From a Christian perspective, we are all made in one Image. As I said in the previous blog, a true Christian must be able to look at any other person and be able to see at lease one positive thing that can be built upon to establish common ground. At the very least, this one positive thing is the fact that the other person was made in the Image of God, and that God loves that person and has a purpose for that person. Even for those that do not share this Christian worldview, we should all see each other as fellow human beings. If you cannot look at another person, even as a non-Christian, and not see one positive thing about them, the ability to establish common ground is gone. Avoiding Dictating Common Ground - The previous point dealt with our ability to look within ourselves and to see another person as worthy of establishing common ground with, and being able to come up with an agreeable solution with. Avoiding dictating common ground deals with dictating what we feel our common ground should be on others. Another person may have a different understanding of what being a fellow Christian means, or a different understanding of what being a fellow human being is. Also involved in dictating common ground is making an assumption that another person prioritizes the same thing that you prioritize, and if they do not prioritize the same things you do, then they do not care about what you prioritize or they even actively oppose what you prioritize. Each person has different priorities in their lives. This does not mean they don't care about other aspects of life, and definitely does not mean they actively oppose other aspects they are not prioritizing. We simply do not have enough time or capacity in our lifetimes to build ourselves up around and focus on a vast array of priorities. Learning Life is Not Centered Around You - Coming to the realization that you are not the only person that can influence other people or help other people is one of the most freeing realizations you can come to. There are going to be people you cannot connect with, and those people may possibly veer towards one of the responses that we discussed in the last blog. If you are not able to create common ground with someone, you do not have to keep banging your head against the wall. You can respectfully tell the other person you value their worth as a fellow human being, but you are not going to continue trying to change their mind or change their actions. Someone else who that person can more easily identify with may come along, and influence that person to make the change you were trying to influence them to make. We all have experiences, good and bad, for a reason. They give us planks to build that bridge with others. Sometimes we may not have enough planks to give to another, but we at least made it easier for someone else to come along and finish that bridge. In other words, we sewed that seed, and can rest in the fact we at least did our part in doing that. Repeat after me..."I am not someone's savior and I am not someone's last chance." Feels good, doesn't it?